President Biden Pardons a Non-Violent Turkey

President Biden pardoned a non-violent turkey today on the White House lawn. One observer speaking under condition of anonymity noted the sharp contrast with the president’s predecessor who for four years in a row chose to pardon turkeys with whom he had a close personal connection.

“I understand a president has broad executive powers and can pardon any turkey he chooses, but it all seemed totally inappropriate. Today, however, in a true test of leadership, President Biden picked the right turkey to pardon.”

People familiar with the lucky turkey said that he was ecstatic to learn that he would be pardoned. In a statement, the turkey explained, “I might not agree with all of his policies, but this is one action I can get behind.” As a sign of the turkey’s sense of humor, he added, “I’d be happy to stick my neck out for the guy from now on, just as long as there are no knives around.”